Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged, and I really do miss it. I figured that, at the very least, I could do one of those yearly update letters that we used to get in the mail from friends and family. (Do you remember those letters? They came in that mailbox thing that is now a repository for paper junk items.)

2017 was eventful and challenging for the Bain family. We’ve been without Bryan for five years now, and our family has changed in ways that I could never have anticipated all those years ago. I have so many children at so many different ages and stages that I often feel I’m being swept along by events. In my mind, I am the general leading my troops, but, practically speaking, I’m just herding cats and hoping everyone makes it to the first day of college.

I’m proud of how the “little people” are growing. Most of them don’t qualify as little anymore! A good yearly update letter should include a bit about each child, and since I have more than the average number of children, I’ll beg your indulgence as I write a longer than average letter.

Nathan is a sophomore at Boerne High School. Yes, that happened. He is thinking about graduation and college and driving and all of those adult things. He runs varsity cross country and his team, thanks to a truly excellent coach, made it to State this year. He is, of course, a technology whiz, and one of his personal triumphs this year involved posting a fix for a problem plaguing a popular phone. The post was popular enough to garner donations from grateful nerds. This sort of undertaking consumes his non-homework time. I’m really not sure what he’s doing, but it seems productive.

Megan, a freshman, is a delight in our boy-heavy home. She is strong and beautiful and has a passion for theater and debate. She is definitely mastering the power of words! She transferred her gymnastics skills to cheer this year. Megan is an excellent and conscientious student, but she’s learning to balance perfection and sanity. I’m proud of the woman she's becoming.

Evan is in seventh grade at Boerne Middle School North. He is a bright young man who alternately delights and exasperates his teachers. He has bold views (I think he’ll follow in Megan’s debate footsteps) and he’s developed an intense interest in running. He ran cross country for the first year this year, and he’s committed to improving in the off-season. Evan’s ability to notice what others miss is exhibiting itself in some pretty impressive photography skills. He’s bain.the_insane on Instagram if you’d like to follow him.

Justin is our high-energy sixth grader who makes sure that ESPN is always running in our house. He watches every sport, and after deciding that playing football involves far too much standing around waiting for the play, he’s continuing to pursue his passion for soccer. He’s an excellent student, and he reads quite a bit. I’m not entirely sure that he sleeps.

Carsten is an old soul and could probably pass for 30, but in reality, he’s in fourth grade at Fabra Elementary. He is my right-hand man, and his sense of responsibility and order is a real asset to our home. Like his siblings, he excels in school, and he enjoys Science Club and serving as Student Council Vice President. He is a skilled soccer player, and I think, maybe, another speedy runner in the making.

Stefan is that second grader who is obsessed with Alexander Hamilton and insists on checking out voluminous books from the library and wading through them. He is a proud nerd, and he’s been blessed by an amazing teacher who doesn’t just tolerate his active brain, she encourages and challenges him. He talks like a professor, and, it must be said, his wardrobe is a tribute to absent-minded, fashion-challenged professors everywhere.

Austin started kindergarten this year, and his imagination delights and entertains all of us. He has struggled some with being patient in school- he’s too far ahead of the kinder curriculum- but I’m not getting calls from the principal, so I think he’s saving his complaints for us at home. At home, he’s reading and doing math problems and impressing all of us with his reasoning abilities. He’s an athletic little guy who plays soccer like a small beast.

And Mom. What about Mom? I’m still teaching seventh grade English at Boerne Middle School South. I’m in my kids’ school district, but not in the same school. I think that has some advantages for all of us. I enjoy teaching English, hours of grading notwithstanding. I have to admit that I don’t really have time for much other than teaching and parenting. I run very, very early in the mornings, and I’ve read some good books lately, but that’s pretty much it. This is the season of long days and short years, and I’m doing my best to persevere through the days and not miss the years.

Happy New Year to all of you! Email or text when you get a chance. We’d love to hear from you.

Summer Snapshots, Part 1

Well, it's the official "last weekend of summer."  Of course, school started here two weeks ago, so that seems a bit of a misnomer at the moment, but it's still a great excuse to post a few random notes about our summer adventures.

We kept it low-key, with as much outdoor time as possible.  I struggled with some light-sensitive headaches which sometimes kept us all inside, but we still managed quite a bit of active fun in the sun.

I finished off the last school year by running a 10K with my sister (her first!) and watching lots of soccer.

Aimee and Sara

Carsten and Random Opponent

There were school awards.

Megan and BFF Kinslee

And...we bought a new car!  I was a little nervous about the downsize, but I have not once regretted the decision.  I love being able to park wherever and I am so thrilled to be back in a Honda.

There were chess games over breakfast.

And swimming.  Lots of swimming.  Austin learned to jump off the diving board and he spent many happy hours doing just that.

Austin demonstrating proper goggle wear.  "They need to push down my ears, Mom."

We explored nature.

Boys looking at something very interesting.

 And we went to the beach!

Which child did NOT understand the point of the picture?

The three sand castle building kiddos.

Sunrise walk.  Note absence of teenagers.

Have a great week!  More summer adventure recaps to come.

The Maid

We had some tremendous upheaval here at the house a couple weeks ago. 

The maid quit.

Just like that.  No two week notice or anything. 

She was gathering up dirty dishes off of the table, picking up toys off the floor, listening to the sound of the kids playing upstairs, and she just quit.  Called all the kids into the living room and announced it right then. 

“Guess what, kids, the maid is quitting.”

“What maid?”

“The one you call ‘Mom.’  That maid.  No more cleaning up your dirty dishes or doing all the housework myself.  I quit.”

“But, Mom, that’s your job!!”

“No, my precious children, it’s not.  I’m pretty certain that God has given me talents and priorities that don’t involve spending all of my time picking up after you.”

See, downsizing and simplifying our lives had an unintended consequence: It is technically possible for me to keep up with all of the housecleaning by myself.  It takes pretty much all of my available time, but it is possible.  And that’s what I had been doing since we moved in.  The kids needed a break from the stress of having a house on the market followed by a big move, so I took over the things that they would normally do around the house. 

After a while, I found myself a little resentful of the attitudes they were developing.  The fewer chores they had, the more they whined about them.  They were feeling entitled to any service that they thought I should be performing for them at any given time.  And when I started to think, as a friend of mine said, that I should just wear a t-shirt that said “STAFF” on the front, I asked myself, “Now whose fault is that?”

I’m the one who’s responsible to set the chores in our home.  A good manager delegates.  A good mom wants to see her kids develop diligence and a strong work ethic.  Human beings aren’t known for working hard without at least a little shove in the right direction.  We’d all rather play than work.

So we had to get back on track.  There was some grumbling to begin with, but we’re starting to get into a routine.  The chore chart, revised to reflect the new house, went back up and I reinstated the “no whining about chores” rule.   I included the kids in the process so that they’d have some ownership in it.  And, yes, I pay for chores.  I’ve found that having monetary incentive gives me the leverage I need to make sure the stuff actually gets done.  With no whining.  (I really hate whining.)

It’s impressive, actually, how much kids can do if you just expect it of them.  Carsten, at five, keeps up with the big kids at chore time.

I try hard to cultivate a team mentality when it comes to chores.  We’re all in this together.  It’s our house.  It’s our responsibility.  I think it’s important for kids to understand that they have a role to play.  It gives them a sense of worth and purpose.  They may not always like their jobs, but they’re learning the sense of accomplishment that comes from diving in and doing it anyway. 

I’ll be honest.  There are days- many days- where it would be a lot easier to do it myself.  I could “do everything around here” and then complain to my friends about it.  I wouldn’t have to spend time convincing a three year old that he is indeed capable of putting ALL of the toys in the bin.  I wouldn’t have to mete out consequences for whining.  And the house might be just a tad cleaner.  

One of my friends teaches a (really fantastic) workshop called“Managers Not Martyrs.”  It’s all about the importance of being a good manager of the home.  Her title is more spiritual than “The Maid Quits” but it’s the same concept.  It’s a parent’s job not to do everything for our kids, but to train our children to work and do things well. 

It’s harder to teach that than it used to be.  We like to read aloud and listen to audiobooks, and my children and I are continually impressed by how HARD kids used to work.  The Little House books and the Little Britches series are great examples.  Those kids milked cows, churned butter, helped build things, plowed fields, pitched hay.  It’s amazing.

We’re blessed to live a life of convenience and comfort, but it’s important to remember that what our kids do today will shape their expectations of the future. 

When they move out on their own, I’m pretty certain there won’t be a maid.

Family

"You sure have your hands full!"

If I had a nickel for every time I've had someone say that, I could single-handedly take care of our church's building fund.  When you have a lot of kids, you become something of a curiosity.  It just goes with the territory.  And since I take my little people with me just about everywhere (and always have), I have probably heard just about every "big family" comment out there.

"Are they ALL yours?"  (No, I randomly collect friends' children just for the sheer joy of struggling to navigate the hazardous aisles of Home Depot.)

"One-two-three-four-five-six.  SIX kids??"  (Wrong.  There are SEVEN.  And they can all count.)

"Only one girl?"  (Excellent observation.)

"You need to get a TV!"  (We have one- thanks.)

"You're pregnant again?  I didn't know you were Catholic."  (Apparently only Catholics like children; Protestants are supposed to have magic pills to keep the population under control.)

"Have you seen that family on TV- the Duggars?"  (Yes, because clearly a family with 19 children is exactly like our family with less than half that.)

"Don't you know what causes that?"  (I don't.  Would you like to explain it to me right here in the HEB baking aisle?)

"You have your own basketball team!"  (Yes, and the baby is especially adept at making baskets.)

"Man.  What do you drive?"  (A white conversion.  Haven't you seen the Tim Hawkins video?)

"And I think my two (or one or three) drive me crazy!"  (It doesn't matter how many you have- they will drive you crazy.  Only children just have to work harder at it.)

And, my very favorite,

"What a blessing!"

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

(And, as a random side note, I've changed the look of the blog.  The dots on the background were making me dizzy.  Thanks for dropping by, and if you have a large family, feel free to add your own favorite "comment."  I know I've missed some.)

Funny Carsten

This is a blast from the (recent) past. A couple of months ago, when Carsten had transitioned to a big boy bed, he and Justin were partying until late in the night. As a result, Carsten was having a hard time making it through lunch to naptime. He kept falling asleep. On this occasion, we had the camera handy.



Oh, and if you're wondering about his hair, this was during his Vaseline stage. He found jars of Vaseline and gel that I didn't even know we had...