Dear Wonder Woman,
I’d heard of you before- you’re sort of an American icon- but I’d never seen your show until last month. I saw a rerun on Endless Rerun Channel, and there you were, in all your leotarded, spinning glory. I’m impressed.
I was sort of curious as to what you’ve been up to for the last few decades. Then, as we neared the end of the school year, I realized that you hadn’t disappeared after all. No, you’ve cloned yourself and taken on a new superhero persona: Wonder Room-Mom.
You don’t wear leotards anymore (I totally understand how awkward that would be after a couple of kids) and I haven’t seen you spin, but your powers are clearly on display. You use your super weapons- Pinterest and Sign Up Genius- to conquer End of Year parties in a single blow and plan teacher appreciation activities that are the envy of all.
You are, Wonder Room-Mom, a dazzling sight to behold. You help your children build national monument models, dress up in themed costumes, and get to soccer practice all without breaking a sweat. I am in awe.
But I have a request: Can you cut the Mortal Moms some slack? I know, with all of your superhuman strength, that it might be hard to fully comprehend their experience, so let me give you a little peek into the lives of the Mortal Moms who surround you.
We Mortal Moms love our kids too. A lot. We feed them, provide for them, keep them clean (most of the time, unless they’re boys), hug them, and discipline them. We help them with their homework as much as we can. We try to keep track of their activities too. We do laundry, we go to work, we clean the house, we tuck the kids in at night.
But we’re not like you. We don’t have superpowers. When our kids build a model of Plymouth Colony, the glue drips, the toddler scribbles on the outside, and we realize that we’re out of popsicle sticks. We appreciate our kids’ teachers- maybe even more than you do since we so heavily depend on them to make up for our mortal deficiencies- but all we can manage is a Starbucks gift card with “Thank You!!!!” written on it. We hope that the multiple exclamation points will fully convey our deep gratitude. And we really hope the teacher likes coffee. We Mortal Moms are so busy with feeding our kids and washing their laundry that not only are we unable to execute Pinterest-worthy crafts and costumes, we’ve forgotten our Pinterest passwords. We’re constantly behind and every time an email comes in with a friendly reminder of an upcoming project/party/playdate, we are plunged into the depths of despair as we try to figure out how on earth we are supposed to fit in one more emergency run to the store for supplies.
So we salute you, Wonder Room-Mom, and thank you for all you do. Just remember: We’re Mortal Moms, and we’ll keep doing our best, but we’ll never be you.