Circumstantial Contentment

I went to visit my grandmother yesterday.  My Grandmommy is very dear to me, both as a grandmother (and the best cookie baker in the world) and a spiritual mentor.  In the "Share about someone who has influenced you" Sunday school icebreaker, I always have an answer, thanks to Grandmommy. 

A week ago, she broke her hip.  She’s had surgery and she’s moved to rehab and I stopped by after work to see her.

And she was smiling.  She encouraged me.  She wanted to know how all of the kids were doing.  Grandmommy was a ray of sunshine, a joy.

Visiting Grandaddy and Grandmommy
Thanks, Aunt Becky, for the picture!

I was so relieved to see her doing well.  I was happy to see her in high spirits.  But you know what?  I wasn’t surprised.

You see, Grandmommy practices a life of contentment.  Anyone who knows her will tell you that.  She is a contented person.  Contentment isn’t something that comes and goes depending on one’s circumstances.  It’s deeper than that.  Practicing contentment enables people to be content in the midst of their circumstances, in spite of their circumstances.

And we don’t have to pretend that our lives are easy when they’re not.

It is very important to understand that being content does not mean denying reality.  Does Grandmommy’s hip hurt?  Yep.  Is getting up and around difficult?  Absolutely.  Life is challenging, and hardships are… well, hard.  No one wants to fall and break a hip!  We don’t have to act like life is easy and wonderful all the time in order to practice contentment.  It’s not a play; it’s not a mind trick.

I’ve been reading NT Wright’s devotional Reflecting the Glory, and as he shares his thoughts on 2 Corinthians 6:4-10, he points out the contrast between Paul’s outward circumstances- tumults, imprisonments, sleeplessness, labor, sorrows- with his inward serenity- patience, purity, knowledge, kindness, and sincere love.  Paul doesn’t deny the difficulty of his life.  He knows it’s hard, but he doesn’t complain about it.  Instead, he focuses on the inward character the Lord is building, the work the Lord is doing through him.

In our lives, when we encounter suffering, our commitment to contentment is tested.  Are we going to ask the Lord for the strength to persevere despite the hardship?  We don’t have to pass the test.  Suffering doesn’t automatically make us patient.  We have to determine to be content.  We have to look for joy and express gratitude.  Little by little, we will get stronger and we will grow more patient.  We will learn the secret of being content, and so demonstrate our faith to others.

“In all things we commend ourselves as ministers of God;

in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses…

by purity, by knowledge…by kindness,

by the Holy Spirit, by sincere love…

by the power of God…

as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing.”

 From 2 Corinthians 6:3-10

Giving up Whine

Raise your hand if you love to hear your kids whine.

Ah, yes, there’s nothing like coming home after a hard day’s work to the melodious sound of whining.  “We’re having THAT for dinner?  We always have stuff I hate!”  “Why do I have to do chores?  No one else does!”  “I’m booooooorrrrreeeeeddddd.” 

I’m fairly certain there’s not a person on the planet who likes to hear whining.  But, let’s be honest, whining isn’t something we outgrow.  We all have our moments; some of us have more moments than others. 

We rename whining when we become adults.  We call it “venting,” “discussing,” “asking for advice,” or “sharing on Facebook.”  But it’s whining.  And it’s bad for us.

Complaining is contentment’s archenemy.  It’s impossible to wallow in complaints and be content at the same time.  But life presents us with a conundrum:  Life is hard.  Days are long.  Irritations abound.  We could adopt a Pollyanna pose:  “Everything is wonderful always!”  There are some who have sunny dispositions and they are, in their deepest souls, optimists.  But what about the rest of us?  How can we combat whininess in our own lives?

Scripture, after all, is pretty plain.  We SHOULD learn to live without complaining.

“Do all things without complaining and disputing,

that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God

without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation,

among whom you shine as lights in the world.”

Philippians 2:14-15

Practically speaking, that is extraordinarily difficult.  Society has a pretty high tolerance for adult whining- it is socially acceptable, even expected, to complain at least a little every day.  Any person who decides to follow a path of joyful, contented speech is going against the flow.   

I think, though, that it’s worth it.  The Bible tells us that we speak the things that are in our hearts (Matthew 12:34), and I’ve observed that the reverse is also true.  The things I speak influence the attitude of my heart.  I am not, however, in favor of just randomly saying positive things that are trite or untrue.   This is not an exercise in cheerleading and self-esteem. 

The cure for grumbling, quite simply, is gratitude.

When I feel a complaint coming on, I have to quickly find something, anything, that I’m truly grateful for.  I do not usually feel thankful for the thing that triggered my whininess.  But if I shift my focus, I can put my complaints in proper perspective. 

I HATE waiting in line.  I really do.  And I hate inefficiency even more.  When I’m stuck in line, I should, perhaps say, “Thank you that I am waiting in line.”  But that would be utterly false.  Instead, I focus on what I am thankful for: that food is readily available to buy, that I’m not pressed for time, that I wore comfortable shoes, that the line will eventually end. 

I try to be specific in my gratitude.  I find that works better than using broad generalizations.  Yes, I’m thankful for salvation.  Yes, I’m thankful for the Bible.  Yes, I’m thankful for air to breathe.  But getting my mind out of a grouchy, grumbling mode requires me to think about something more precise.  I need to make myself focus on blessings that my complaints are obscuring from view. 

The contented life is a journey, and changing grumbling to gratitude is part of the trip.  It doesn’t come easily.  I indulge in whine each day, but every time I conquer it, discontent loses a bit of its grip on me.  For every thankful thought, I move a little further down the path.  And I’m convinced the journey is worth the effort.  Give up the whine, and be grateful.

“In everything give thanks;

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Contentment Thieves

I wrote last week of my teenage commitment to a life of contentment.  That commitment has, of course, been sorely tested in the years since then.  My enrollment in the contentment course will, I believe, be lifelong.

Shortly after I married, I was blessed to do Beth Moore's study of Philippians.  In it, she lists the Five Thieves of Contentment, five things that rob us of our joy.  I copied those off and posted them on our fridge.  Each "thief" can be identified in Philippians 4.

Pettiness

Philippians 4:2-3 references two women- Euodia and Syntyche- who were, apparently, not "of the same mind."  It sounds like they were fighting.  They were good people- they had both labored with Paul in the gospel, and their names were "in the Book of Life."  But they had let a petty disagreement rob them of their contentment.

When I'm annoyed or offended at someone- a friend, a coworker, a family member- I am not content.  If I am honest with myself, I can usually see that I am being petty.  True conflict does arise and has to be addressed, but most of life's little slights just serve to make life less happy.  Let it go.

Anxiety

Paul is very clear in his command: "Be anxious for nothing."  That's a tall order.  I get anxious.  I worry.  But when I do, contentment deserts me.  Worrying about the future is one of the best ways to rob the present of its joy.  After all, even the most perfect situation can be overshadowed by an expectation of a disaster around the corner.  Paul also gives us the answer for anxious thoughts:  "Pray."  And don't just pray, pray with gratitude, with thanksgiving.  Remember what blessings you do have, and commit the future to the Lord.

Destructive Thinking

Remember, contentment isn't based on one's circumstances.  It's based on one's outlook.  The mind is the place where contentment either starts or dies.  Paul tells us to think on things that are true, noble, lovely, pure.  Don't just think on them, meditate on them.  Be careful what things you allow your mind to repeat over and over.  Those things shape who we become.  Make sure your thoughts are based on God's truth.

Resistance to Learning

As I wrote last week, Paul learned to be content.  Sometimes, we don't want to learn to be content.  We'd rather wallow.  We like to complain.  We need to vent. (If you don't believe me, check out social media.)   Learning contentment is hard.  Hardship doesn't automatically teach us.  We have to be willing to submit ourselves to the lesson. 

Independence from God

We're weak.  We're human.  True contentment requires greater strength than we have on our own.  That's okay.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." All things- even banishing the Thieves of Contentment from my life.

Content

Even when I was very young, I enjoyed observing people, listening to their stories, watching how they made their decisions.  I remember thinking that I could learn an awful lot from other people's triumphs and disappointments.

So far, my observations have led me to see something very clearly:

People who are content are content no matter what their circumstances.

People who are discontent stay that way even when their circumstances improve.

Discontented people always feel like something could be better, and when things change, they're sure they will be happy, but they're not.  Because something could always be better.  Something is always lacking.  "Sure, I finally got a new job, but the lady in the office next to me doesn't like me."  "My house is bigger, but now I'm going to complain about how hard it is to clean."  "I've switched churches three times in the last five years, and every one of them has failed to meet my needs."

Discontentment is miserable.

When I was a teenager, I made a conscious decision to be one of the content people.  I was not going to let my circumstances dictate my happiness.  But it's more difficult than it would seem.  After all, life is full of unhappy events, and I'm a realistic person.  If the going gets tough, I feel it just as keenly as the next person.

So I started reading Philippians daily- the entire book through each day- and before each reading, I would remind myself that Paul was in prison when he wrote it.  His life's work, by every human estimation, was on hold, and his life was hard- physically, emotionally, spiritually.  Even in those circumstances, Paul was saying, "Rejoice!"  How did he do it?

In his letter, Paul reveals his secret.  

"I have learned in whatever state I am,

to be content:

I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound.

Everywhere and in all things 

I have learned both to be full and to be hungry,

both to abound and to suffer need.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:11-13

Paul had learned to be content no matter what befell him, in good circumstances and bad.  And he was content because Christ gave him strength to be content.  

It is a truly beautiful thought that Paul learned to be content.  He didn't say, "How do I keep my spirits up in prison?  Well, I was born a pretty optimistic person.  I'm just a glass half-full kind of guy."  No, contentment was a lesson he learned.  And that means that all of God's people can learn that lesson.  It's a difficult course, and there's no graduation, but the study is worth it.

Next time you hear yourself complaining, or you find yourself asking God to change your situation, stop and ask yourself if this circumstance might be a good opportunity to learn contentment.  If Paul can do it, so can we, through Christ who gives strength.